It's only cheating if you get caught

A couple of weeks ago, Bill Belicheat of the Patriots was "caught" video taping the defensive signals of the other team. Said he didn't understand what the league meant when they said there will be no video cameras on the sideline, coaches box, etc. How much clearer could the league have made it? No means no, as in none, not ever. Yet, he did it and he finally got caught. According to most interviewees, it's been going on for years and that it's part of the game. Barry Bonds "supposedly" has been taking steriods and HGH for a while, ever since Mark McGuire and Sammy Sosa had their incredible homerun seasons. Barry is now the *homerun king of baseball. He will hold that title for a while because he hasn't been caught. Most baseball players, although recognizing him as being a jerk, accept what he's done. Track and field, swimming, basketball, you name it, it's all done for competitive advantage, and for the most part is accepted as part of the game.

Well, competitive advantage is the driving force in our world as well. Parents enrolling their 3 year olds in school and learning centers so that they can get into the best colleges later in life. Parents lying about the childrens' ages so that they can stay back a year and be better than the other kids in their class or sport. Must have more; must be better. That's a lot of pressure on the kids and a lot of stress on the parents. From parents fighting with coaches, kids beating other kids with bats, parents yelling at their kids and others, it makes me wonder where this world is going. Then, there's the other side. The side that says kids can't play tag because there will be some kids who aren't as fast as the others who will always be "it". They'll have their feelings and egos hurt and will have to deal with that later in life. There are those who say everyone must be a winner. Well, believe it or not, that isn't the case in life. There are those with better skills who will exceed in different ways. Just because someone isn't as fast as someone else in tag, doesn't mean they don't excel in other ways. We should encourage children to excel in what they're good at and not force them into things they aren't. That's not to say to never have them try new things but if it's obvious that they don't have the aptitude for certain things, chances are they never will. People have enough stress without having to try to fit a square peg into a round hole.

Growing up, we learned to deal with our own issues. If an adult other than our parents caught us doing something we shouldn't be doing, generally they told our parents and let our parents deal with us. Parents behaved at sporting events. There was no name calling, no cursing. Professional athletes, for the most part, behaved liked honorable people, people you could look up to and call a hero. I don't want to say it was a simpler life, but it was a different life. We played sports and had fun. Yes, there was competition, but you competed on natural ability. Some people were better than others. It hurt when we didn't win, but we moved on. We didn't think about cheating so that we could win that next game. Life is about victory and defeat. Every day we have battles with certain things and we win or lose and we move on. If we win by cheating, where's the value in that? You don't need to worry about getting caught if you don't cheat. There's a lot of value in that.

The Opportunity Was There...

The other night we had some family pictures taken. It'd been a long time, about 7 years, since the last time and the opportunity came up, so we took advantage of it. We got to the gym while the family before us was finished so the kids and I played a little basketball and dodge ball and volleyball. Yes, we were all dressed up, and yes, it was really hot, but the opportunity was there, so we took advantage of it. The pictures were for the church directory, but since they were taken by a photo studio, we had Misty join us for some complete family pictures. We took some of the family, and then some of kids, and then one of Nanci and me. When the kids were posing for their pictures, I was overcome with how blessed we are. We have three, really gorgeous, very photogenic kids. Did I mention that they are really terrific kids as well, most of the time?

How often do we get caught up in our own activities, our own lifes, our own minds and forget about taking the time to look around us and really appreciate what we have? Well, the opportunity was there, so I did. I'm blessed with a wife who really loves me. I'm blessed with kids who started life with very little but pain and ugliness and now have love and beauty. I'm blessed with an extended family who are all pretty terrific people. I'm blessed with a job that is very secure. I'm blessed with people who truly care about me and my well being, and not those who just say that they are (and I can tell the difference). I'm blessed with a mind that is always learning. I'm blessed with a body that can get out of bed every morning, 365 days a year, with barely a sniffle now and again and a few times a week lets me run several miles to start my day. I'm blessed with a great home, that's pretty much just the way we want it now. I'm blessed with a bank account that increases monthly. I am truly blessed. And why did I sit and think about all of this?

The opportunity was there, so I did it. Needs to be done every now and again, and it sure feels good when it is. Take the opportunity and do it yourself.

What Is My Destiny?

Do we make our own destiny? I think we do, up to a point, with the choices we make, the decisions we make, every moment of every day. We could choose to walk in front of a truck, thus ending our life. We could choose to eat healthy and exercise and perhaps live much longer lives. I say perhaps, because we can't choose when we die, unless we take our own lives. I believe that only God knows that and there's not much we can do about it. However, what happens between now and then, it's all up to us. We move forward with our lives and create our existence. In one of the books I've been reading, it says that everything that is here was first just a thought. Thought brings action which brings reality. Therefore, our thinking brings about our reality. Can we think ourselves great? Of course. Can we do the actions that will make us great? Of course. Can we decide that we don't want to let lifes hurts keep us down? Of course. There are enough examples of individuals who have gone above and beyond what the world said they should have done, just as there are plenty of examples of individuals who never fulfilled their potentials. Some say that if you want to be successful, do what successful people do. it's been proven time and time again. So do I think we make our own destiny? Yes.

Free Will

Did you know that the Lutheran Church says we don't have free will? It's a theological thing. Not sure what it all means but I think I'll have to take it up with someone and have them really explain it to me. In looking into a little bit, it seems that since God, being all knowing, knows what we are going to do before we do it, so the choice isn't really ours and there is no free will, 'cause that means that God has no control over us.

To my way of thinking, when we were given choices, we were given free will to choose. Sure, some of those choices, well all of those choices, come with consequences, either good or bad, but it's our choice, our free will, and our consequences. If you keep God first and foremost, then you'd most likely choose on the side of good, but so often we choose based on what's going on with us at that time; who we're with, what mood we're in, etc. Eve chose to eat the apple and Adam chose to go along with her. Cain chose to kill Able, and so on. I feel that God gave us choices to empower us. God wants us to better ourselves, to prove ourselves. We do that with the choices that we make.

The other day I was at the grocery store. A man with 3 kids came up to me and pointing at the floor asked it that was my $100 bill. I thanked him and told him it wasn't but that I would turn it in to the store manager, which I did. We both made a choice. He did the right thing in front of his children, teaching them right. When I turned the money in, the manager took my name and number and said if no one claimed it, it would be mine. That wasn't right either, since I wasn't the first one to find it. I got the first man's number and told him that if the manager called, I'd have him call him and give him the money. An easy choice since it was never my money to begin with. Turns out someone did claim the money so it went back to the original owner. My choices were easy. I didn't find the money and I didn't lose the money. It would have been wrong for me keep the money. Free will? Yes, I freely and willfully turned the money in. Did God know that I was going to do that? Sure, but it was still my choice.

We're here to learn lessons. We're here to live consequences. Not every choice is the right one, or the smart one, but if we learn from it, then it was the worthwhile one. I can't see a God who dictates every thing we do. We don't do that as parents. Now, I'm not saying we are as all powerful and all knowing and all loving as God, but we know enough to let our children make mistakes and learn from them, even when we know in advance what they're going to do...because we mostly, in free will, did the same things ourselves.

Are you a Cause or an Effect person?

Read this quote the other day -


You alone have the responsibility to shape your life. Once you understand this, nothing and no one can deny you success. There's no one to stop you but yourself.


Then, I was listening to Christopher Howard and he said there were cause people and effect people. Effect people seem to always have an excuse for not getting, not having, etc. and it usually involves someone or something outside of themselves. Cause people make things happen, 'cause the know that if it's going to be, it's up to them.

It got me thinking about my life. I am where I am today because of the decisions I make years ago. Did I have a plan. Not really. Am I where I want to be. Mostly. Why don't I have everything I want? My fault. You know, "those that fail to plan, plan to fail" and all that...Is it too late? Absolutely not. In 5 years, God willing, I will be 5 years older. Will I be doing the same things I'm doing now? It's up to me. The path I put myself on right now will determine where I am 5 years from now. If I'm not where I want to be, whose fault will it be? Mine. Yeah, I could say that it was my family that held me back, or we had to get the kids' school paid for, etc., but those are just excuses. If I set my mind to it, and dedicated bits of every day to doing something that will move me closer, I'll be there in 5 years - right where I want to be. Oprah Winfrey said, "Understand that the right to choose your own path is a sacred privilege. Use it. Dwell in possibility."

It's all there for you. So, are you a 'cause or an effect person?

What's your legacy?

Bill Walsh died today. For those of you who don't know who he is, he coached the San Fransisco 49rs to several Super Bowls and then went and coached at Stanford. He was labeled a genius by many in the pro football world as his way of coaching forever changed the game of football. But that's not all he was known for. He also gave black coaches a way into the NFL when no one else was giving them a chance and several of them became head coaches themselves. Many people have said that his encouragement, his insights and his abilities helped them to become more than they thought they could be.

That's the kind of legacy I'd like to leave. I'd like the people at my memorial to be able to say that they are better because of something I did or said to them. I'd like them to say that their life's are better, their families are better, their jobs are better because they were able to look at what I've done or said and bring that into their life and made it better.

I guess it's like the movie "Pay It Forward". If someone takes something that I've done, internalizes it and pays it forward, and it continues from there, then this world will be a better place. There's a commercial on tv right now, and I can't remember who it's for, but in every scene, people are helping other people and other people are noticing and then the next scene that person is helping someone and someone notices and the next scene that person is helping someone and so on. What a great way to be. We get so caught up in our micro-worlds that we miss what's going on around us. I took my mother-in-law to the doctor's today and while I was waiting, a sales rep came in. She had a comment for everyone and I caught myself thinking what a schmoozer she was and how fake her compliments sounded etc. Then I noticed what it was doing to the nurses and the doctors and I saw how it really lifted their moments. They began talking about what they were wearing, and their hair styles or whatever the sales rep had commented on and for that short period, they were feeling really good about themselves. In turn, they were a little more courteous to the patients and I'm sure that carried over as well. How hard was that to do? Not hard at all. Yeah, to an outsider it sounded disingenuous, but to the recipient, it was a positive boost at just the right time.

How encouraging is that? It doesn't take much. Even a smile can lift someones mood. That's the legacy we start to leave, right now.

Is it Monday yet?

I tell you, sometimes it seems I work harder on the weekend then I do during the week. Trying to cram into two days what would normally take 4 or 5, mixed in with soccer games and church and such...and I still didn't get the lawn mowed. But, we made one young lady very happy this weekend.

Tony Gwynn got inducted into the baseball hall of fame today. Yes, Cal Ripken did as well but since I grew up following the Padres, Tony's the one I'm interested in. Both of these players played for the same team for 20+ years and many of those years were pretty sorry years, which makes what they did even that much more remarkable. Todays athlete either goes where the money is or goes where he may have the best chance of winning. What they fail to realize is there is more to life then winning. Of course, since most talented athletes are handed whatever they want, they don't have the experience of "needing" so it makes sense to them to either take the money and/or jump to a team that has the best chance of winning now. They have no loyalties except to themselves. Tony and Cal didn't do that. They stayed through thick and thin. They acheived their success in spite of their teams sometimes. I know Tony had chances to move on, but there were more important matters to him. In our lifes, we face the same thing. In our jobs, yes there may be places where we can work where we can make more money, but if we work in a good environment, with great people, with nice benefits, where's the problem? Now, if we stay in a job where the people are horrible and the company is horrible, and the owners don't respect you, well then it's time to look elsewhere. But, if we were like most current day athletes, we'd jump from company to company and not get to know if the one we were at offered up anything special. It's the "grass is always greener on the other side of the fence" mentality that makes it rough.

Where am I going with this? I look at what Tony and Cal did, and I realize that staying and working things though isn't all that bad sometimes. We all know when it's time to do something different, go someplace new, but we need to look at all of the factors, and not just the dollar line. Yes, having the money and winning is nice, but sometimes it's just as much fun just playing the game.