What's your legacy?

Bill Walsh died today. For those of you who don't know who he is, he coached the San Fransisco 49rs to several Super Bowls and then went and coached at Stanford. He was labeled a genius by many in the pro football world as his way of coaching forever changed the game of football. But that's not all he was known for. He also gave black coaches a way into the NFL when no one else was giving them a chance and several of them became head coaches themselves. Many people have said that his encouragement, his insights and his abilities helped them to become more than they thought they could be.

That's the kind of legacy I'd like to leave. I'd like the people at my memorial to be able to say that they are better because of something I did or said to them. I'd like them to say that their life's are better, their families are better, their jobs are better because they were able to look at what I've done or said and bring that into their life and made it better.

I guess it's like the movie "Pay It Forward". If someone takes something that I've done, internalizes it and pays it forward, and it continues from there, then this world will be a better place. There's a commercial on tv right now, and I can't remember who it's for, but in every scene, people are helping other people and other people are noticing and then the next scene that person is helping someone and someone notices and the next scene that person is helping someone and so on. What a great way to be. We get so caught up in our micro-worlds that we miss what's going on around us. I took my mother-in-law to the doctor's today and while I was waiting, a sales rep came in. She had a comment for everyone and I caught myself thinking what a schmoozer she was and how fake her compliments sounded etc. Then I noticed what it was doing to the nurses and the doctors and I saw how it really lifted their moments. They began talking about what they were wearing, and their hair styles or whatever the sales rep had commented on and for that short period, they were feeling really good about themselves. In turn, they were a little more courteous to the patients and I'm sure that carried over as well. How hard was that to do? Not hard at all. Yeah, to an outsider it sounded disingenuous, but to the recipient, it was a positive boost at just the right time.

How encouraging is that? It doesn't take much. Even a smile can lift someones mood. That's the legacy we start to leave, right now.

Is it Monday yet?

I tell you, sometimes it seems I work harder on the weekend then I do during the week. Trying to cram into two days what would normally take 4 or 5, mixed in with soccer games and church and such...and I still didn't get the lawn mowed. But, we made one young lady very happy this weekend.

Tony Gwynn got inducted into the baseball hall of fame today. Yes, Cal Ripken did as well but since I grew up following the Padres, Tony's the one I'm interested in. Both of these players played for the same team for 20+ years and many of those years were pretty sorry years, which makes what they did even that much more remarkable. Todays athlete either goes where the money is or goes where he may have the best chance of winning. What they fail to realize is there is more to life then winning. Of course, since most talented athletes are handed whatever they want, they don't have the experience of "needing" so it makes sense to them to either take the money and/or jump to a team that has the best chance of winning now. They have no loyalties except to themselves. Tony and Cal didn't do that. They stayed through thick and thin. They acheived their success in spite of their teams sometimes. I know Tony had chances to move on, but there were more important matters to him. In our lifes, we face the same thing. In our jobs, yes there may be places where we can work where we can make more money, but if we work in a good environment, with great people, with nice benefits, where's the problem? Now, if we stay in a job where the people are horrible and the company is horrible, and the owners don't respect you, well then it's time to look elsewhere. But, if we were like most current day athletes, we'd jump from company to company and not get to know if the one we were at offered up anything special. It's the "grass is always greener on the other side of the fence" mentality that makes it rough.

Where am I going with this? I look at what Tony and Cal did, and I realize that staying and working things though isn't all that bad sometimes. We all know when it's time to do something different, go someplace new, but we need to look at all of the factors, and not just the dollar line. Yes, having the money and winning is nice, but sometimes it's just as much fun just playing the game.

Does it hurt?

Funny how when a child falls most of the time they wait to see the adults react before they decide whether it hurts or not. If the adult reacts favorably, then all is well and the child goes back to playing and all is well. If the adult freaks, then the child freaks.

Adults are like that also, but they wait to see how their partner reacts, or how their friend reacts about something, and if that person reacts favorably, then all is well and we go back to doing what we were doing. If that person freaks, then we freak.

Why is it that we depend on others for their approval to things we're doing? Obviously, there are things that will affect others and we need to keep that in mind when we decide to do something, but in order for us to move forward in life, we need to move on our own. If we wait for others to react favorably, we'll be waiting forever. We have control over our lives and we need to ultimately make the decisions to move forward. It's been said that you are either growing, or you're dying; there's no in between. Time will move forward, and in order for us to achieve anything, we must move forward with it. We are responsible for us. We must take responsibility for our actions. People don't do things to us. We allow people to do things to us. It's on us to make the changes so that it doesn't happen again. I think it was Einstein who said that insanity is doing the same things over and over again and expecting different results. It doesn't work that way. If you want different results, you must do something differently. Even if it hurts.

Is it fear or is it worry?

What is fear? Is it really different from worry? According to dictionary.com, Worry is:
1. to torment oneself with or suffer from disturbing thoughts; fret.
Fear is: 1. a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.

Pretty similar...To worry is imagine something that hasn't happened and to torment yourself to the point you believe it will happen. To fear is to imagine something that hasn't happened based possibly on what's happened in the past and to torment yourself to the point you believe it will happen.

Had a conversation today with my sister. She has deep thoughts about things. We were talking about whether it was safe to fly, what with the all that's going on now days. I admit, I say a prayer at take off whenever I fly, and I look at the passengers to see if anyone fits my profile of a "terrorist", but ultimately, I don't decide when I die. I firmly believe that when it's my turn to die, I will. My grandma used to tell a story about a man named Joe who, when death came knocking at his door, ran and hid. Death came in and sat down at the table to wait. Eventually, the man decided to disguise himself and go talk to death. This went well, as death fell for the disguise, and they sat there talking. Eventually death got tired of waiting, looked at the man and said, "I guess Joe's not coming so I'll take you instead."

Unfortunately, death is a part of life. If it's not our pets, it's our friends, or our relatives, and eventually even ourselves. It's been that way for centuries. I'm not afraid to die, but I'd feel bad for the people I've left behind. There is still a lot of things that I'd like to accomplish before I die, as my list of goals will attest, so I don't plan on going anytime soon, but, it's not my choice. I don't believe I've accomplished what I was placed on this earth to accomplish. I don't believe we're here just to live our lives and die, but to accomplish something special before we go. I believe that it's our duty to leave this place better than how it was before we came here, in some way, shape or form. I'm not sure what that is for me, but there are times when I feel I'm on the verge of finding out. Every now and again, I sense the door to understanding open just a little bit allowing me a peek, and then it's closed again. I mentioned in the first blog that I had found some of my old writings. As I re-read them, I find some answers. The first, and biggest answer is Love. It's no secret that love is the ultimate answer. Everyone and everything blossoms with love. Pure, unconditional, non-judgemental, agape love. You know, if love is the pervasive thought/feeling, there's no room for fear or worry.

This is Real

A weird thing happened to me today. I was going to leave the office and I turned to pick up my things, and I had a short little burst of clarity...I realized that this is real. It sounds weird, and it was weird, because it should have been obvious, but it wasn't. Life moves; it goes on, and a lot of the time, we just go with the flow, taking what comes and making the most of it. My realization was that I make my life. I don't have to go with the flow. Sure, I have to bend here and there to accomdate others, but I make my life. Yes, right now I have to work for someone, but that doesn't mean I will have to always. I can take the steps to get to the point where I can do it myself. I was talking to a friend about "The Secret". Positive thinking and all is well and good, but nothing will happen without some action taking place. I printed out my goals last night. If I'm serious about them, I will move in the direction that will allow me to complete them. Movement...Action... Doing something, one thing each day that will bring me closer to my goals. Right now they are words on a paper, thoughts in my head. What steps do I need to do to make them real? Something...anything. This is real.

Have you ever just been stuck?

Ever have those moments when there's just so much you can do, but can't decide on which one you want to do? You go around in circles and end up not doing instead of picking something and then doing. It's not really procrastination, it's just indecision. Priorities...I guess that's the key. People get stuck doing unproductive things, and the things that they should be doing to move forward in life, end up not getting done. Someone said to do at least one thing each day that will move to closer to you goals. Makes sense, but which one thing? (an aside - it's really nice having a volume control on the keyboard. If your keyboard doesn't have one, you should consider it.)

I look around my office and see all of this "stuff" that needs to get done. And then the dogs interrupt - feed them. Then there's that pie in the fridge - feed me. Know what's missing in this office? My list of goals. I have them, on my computer, but not where I can see them regularly. What am I working towards? It's on the list. What's important right now? It's on the list. Why don't I print it out? Maybe then I have to face them, and do something towards them. What's holding me back? Fear? Of what? Succeeding? What's wrong with that? Is it fear of failure, or fear of success? I've failed and succeeded at many things. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger...So what is it? Leaving my comfort level. If I achieve what I have on my list, it'll change me; I know for the better, but I have to leave my comfort zone to do many of those things. Screw it, I'm printing my list.

Going Through an Old Box

While going through some old boxes, I found some of my writings and I'd like to share. I won't make you read through them all here, but I'll write some here and others, the longer ones, I'll link to. They were all written in 1990. I was writing quite a bit at the time and just letting things flow. Let me know what you think...

Now I place my heart in your hands, to hold, to stroke, to love. Please, don't break it for it is a treasure to withhold. Please don't drop it, for it is too fragile to survive the fall. If you abuse it, it will leave you eventually, feeling the hurt. It is resilient though; it is strong. It will regain its strength, though not as fully as it once was. You see, with each hurt, with each abuse, it withdraws a little bit. Instead of coming back with more love, it shows a harder front, a wall of sorts. It is this wall that the next person will see. So you see, not only are you damaging this heart, but you are damaging the life for it will not give as strongly, or as readily the next time it has a chance. In fact, it might pass up the chance for fear that the wall will grow higher and harder. It doesn't want that. What it wants is to breathe, to live, to laugh. It wants everyone to see it in all its splendor and in full bloom. It will do that if treated properly, and you would be the reason for that, and you will be rewarded because of that. Fragile things have their place in this world, along with everything else, yet they are the first to back away from a hurtful situation. It is a lesson that is not easily forgotten. It is a lesson that will come back and haunt the rest of the days, and not just the fragile object, for if it's done by you enough, you will find that those objects are staying away from you. Then it will be you that feels the hurt, but for a different reason. It will be you that is alone, and afraid to approach, and afraid to give. It will be you that will suffer, and all because you did not take care of what was given you. So, you see why it is that I ask you to treat it with love? It is for both of us.

Where there was hate, now there is love. Where once there was anger, now there is happiness. Where once there was despair, now there is ecstasy. Where once there was loneliness, now there is you.